The Secret to Loving Well - It's Not About You

In our world of fast food, Twitter messages of 140 characters, high speed Internet connections, everything in our lives available "on demand" we seek instant gratification in all things. Our relationships are no different, we seek the magic bullet or the simple little pill to swallow to make our troubles go away and our relationships successful.

There really is a secret to loving well and having a successful relationship. It's not about you. Take a step away from your current relationship and ponder for a moment. Who is being served in your relationship? Are you waiting for your partner to step up and answer to your needs and demands, meanwhile withholding your love and affection until they do?

It comes back to the same problem time and time again. Marriage and relationships are not based on meeting your partner half way, each giving as little as possible to get what they desire in return. Scores are kept and the focus is on meeting personal needs and loving your partner equally in return, sometimes one gesture at a time.

Successful relationships require both partners to give completely of themselves first. It's not about you, it is about serving each other and honoring each other. Try it for a day or two and watch what happens in your relationship. Without asking for anything from your partner simply do your best to try to anticipate and fulfill their needs. Most likely your partner will begin to reciprocate without even realizing they are doing so.

This is a turning point in many relationships. Over time it becomes easier to serve each other and once on this path it is more comfortable to openly discuss what you are both able and willing to do to please each other.

Love Magic That Makes a Guy Fall in Love

Are you obsessing over a guy and are desperate to know what makes a guy fall in love? Do you want him to feel the same way about you as you feel for him? What are you going to do? There's magic to love and there is a "magic trick" you can use that makes a guy fall in love.

The truth is, guys fall for girls just as hard as girls fall for guys and if you know what makes a girl fall for a guy, you're halfway home to knowing what makes a guy fall in love with you. The biggest difference between women and men in the love department is sex. Women generally take sex more seriously than guys do. Sex alone is not the way to win a man's heart.

When it comes to love, guys and girls are the same. With love, it's the emotional bonds that count. These bonds grow stronger with time, so it's better to start off as friends than as lovers. If you're really friends, you will get to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. Your strengths will balance his weaknesses and his strengths will balance your weaknesses. When you're really in love, you don't need to hide anything from one another, because you have already learned that you can trust one another.

Remember, both your strengths and weaknesses are important. Sometimes it's easy to become emotionally needy when you feel you are not strong enough to handle your problems by yourself. This will eventually wear thin and turn him off. You don't want to make a guy feel like you're just there for him when he's down, either. You want to show him how much you admire his strong qualities, too.

Hard as it may be, try to make sex take a back seat to emotional bonding. This is a good idea for two reasons. First, his desire will make him feel magnetically drawn to you. Secondly, you will be able to establish those all-important emotional bonds before you have sex. That will make the sex all the better and more meaningful when you finally have it. The magic to what makes a guy fall in love with you is all in the emotions: the deeper the emotions, the deeper the love.

7 Love and Relationship Tips

Most relationships, even those built on love, start to fade with time. If both partners do nothing to improve the situation after some time they may hit a dead-end. However, there are a few things that can be done to sustain happy and strong relationship.

Here are most important love and relationship tips that you need to know in order to save passion and special bond that you and your beloved share:

1. Make sure to spend some quality time with your partner. Sometimes we get so caught up in insignificant daily worries that love is receded into the background. You have to take a conscious action to prevent that from happening. Find at least one weekend a month so the two of you could be together.

2. Take a conscious action to show your other half that you love him/her. Surprise your partner with unexpected gift. It doesn't have to be big and expensive. It just has to come from your heart.

3. Show interest in your partner's life. For example, you can say, "Hi. How was your day?" and listen to the answer attentively. The person that you love should not only see a lover in you, but also a friend to whom he/she can confide his/her worries and problems at any time.

4. Communicating is crucial in any relationships. If you don't like something about your partner's actions do not keep it inside, talk to him/her, even if it may result in an argument.

5. When having an argument, never use name-calling or refer to mistakes your beloved one has made in the past. It is not ok to humiliate or ridicule another person, even if he/she has hurt your feelings. This is not going to solve any problems on the contrary it will only make matters worse.

6. Try to find a proper balance, between dependence and independence. By being too independent and cold, you can distance yourself from a person that you love. But at the same time by being too needy or "clingy" you can make him/her feel trapped and irritated. Make sure that your other half knows that you need and love him/her, but don't overdo it. For example, if you give your girlfriend a bouquet of roses for no reason, she will be very touched and happy. But if you are giving her a rose every single day, eventually she will get used to it and the gesture will lose its meaning.

7. And probably the most important tip - do not expect your partner be a mind reader! Men and women are different. They think differently, they feel differently, they act differently. If you want your special someone to do something for you - ask. Thoughts like, "If he would love me, he would do ....", "I'm not talking to him until he apologizes for..." (when a guy has no clue of what he did wrong) are destructive and pointless.

You have to remember, that relationships are not only about fun and excitement. They take time and effort!

The Secret to Relationships

What is the key to relationships? If somebody really realized, they would have created a lot of money out of it. There are several tips on how to strengthen your connection and help it to see you through most of your two life. They are primary wise practice for the most aspect, perhaps pointers of how you were when your connection started and none of them are techniques.

1. You should not just say you really like your associate but display them you really do; and often. Where you don't experience truly in really like and you don't like saying your in really like with your associate, you probably have a serious connection issue.

2. If you have little regard for the other individual the connection will likely not last very lengthy. There is little factor in ongoing if you are always looking down at your associate and healing them as being ridiculous.

3. Be as well mannered and as type when you are just the two of you together as when you are in the organization of individuals you don't know very well.

4. Be careful by first considering what your associate wants and needs, however little they may be.

5. Always be genuine with your associate, as can be discovered, however little will almost always be discovered. It is not usually a concern of if, but more likely one of when you will be discovered out. So prevent being fake and there will then never be concern of being discovered out.

Each of these details is essential to your connection and you can contact them the key to interactions. Everybody knows them but some individuals them more challenging to communicate than others.

Concerning loyalty, you just have to be start in interacting with your associate, even when periods are challenging for you.

Respect and goodness go together. Your associate needs to experience you are assisting them because you acknowledge with them and believe in them. You have to understand to regard their choice even if you would have done elements diversely. You can tell them please that perhaps there was a better way of getting to the same outcome. You can change please and still display regard.

Thoughtfulness and really like usually go together as well. Express your really like by informing and displaying your associate that you really like them. Assisting each other is another way of displaying really like.

Love is recognized diversely, so it is for you to discover the little elements you associate likes and do them. They will appreciate that you are looking at them and doing your best to please them...

Put all these elements together and use them and you will have discovered the key to the key to interactions that should create your several flourish fortunately.

TOP 100 THINGS THAT ATTRACT WOMEN TO MEN

1. Clear, beautiful and healthy looking eyes. Eyes provide an insight on the level of health of the individual, and healthy eyes indicate a healthy mate. It was also surveyed as the most attractive feature according to various women’s magazines.

2. A confident attitude towards life. Confidence indicates that you are successful and are to be trusted. When you trust yourself, others will as well. Women will trust you with themselves

3. Physical height. Height provides a sense of security and comfort which is very attractive to women. Being taller is also a dominant trait which is attractive. Ultimately, if you are short but can provide a feeling of security and comfort, this will be equivalent to height.

4. Physical strength, muscles. Being muscular provides a sense of excitement and security in women.  It also alludes to dominance which will seduce most women.

5. Being funny. Laughter makes people feel more comfortable and happy. Also, when people are laughing at your jokes, you immediately gain social status which is attractive. If you can make her laugh, you’re half way there. Read how to make a girl smile.

6. Being witty. This is very attractive as it alludes to being smart, and intelligence is attractive to women. If you are dating then wit will be a big part of your evening. 

7.Being Wealthy. Wealth indicates power, security, comfort and even excitement. This is very attractive to women whom crave all these feelings.

8. Being playful. Playfulness means that you are fun to be with, consequently triggering feelings of attraction in women.  

9. Being touchy. Human touch is a powerful way to trigger feelings of attraction. Naturally touchy people have a lot more sex than people whom refrain from human contact. This is important when you flirt with a girl.

10. Bravery. Being brave, alert in emergency situations is very attractive and indicates that you will be able to protect her from danger. 

11. Being excited about life. The energy that people emit when they are excited about living is contagious and very attractive. 

12. Being unavailable. People want what they can’t get. Being hard ( but not impossible!) to get is attractive. 

13. A cocky smile is attractive. Cocky smiles, demonstrated in movies such as James Bond and Top Gun triggers feelings of confidence and dominance which is extremely arousing. Read up on how to pick up girls for more information.

14. Genuine smiles in general are attractive. As long as they are a reaction to something that occurred and not because you are being polite or awkward. 

15. Being concentrated on a task is attractive to women. If a woman can watch you while you are completely involved in a task, then she is likely to be attracted to you. Examples of this can be her watching you paint, play an instrument, anything you do well that requires full absolute concentration on your part. 

16. Playing an instrument is attractive to women. Wonder why the rock stars get the girls… there are many reasons but those whom play music are automatically ranked more attractive than those who don’t. 

17. Being famous.If you’re famous, then by definition a lot of people know you. If a lot of people know you, you are therefore important. Being important is very attractive to women.

18. Not caring. A care free attitude is liberating and very attractive.

19. Being well dressed. Wearing nice clothes demonstrate social status; accentuate your physical features and shows that you take care of yourself.

20. Unique accessories that match our personality. In our society, accessories that stand out provoke curiosity, confidence and will attract women. “What’s that necklace you are wearing”, says the girl at the bar. That is one of the dating tips for how to attract women. 

21. Shoes that are in style. The first thing that most girls notice in guys is what kind of shoes they are wearing. Shoes speak more about you than all clothes. You can be wearing a diaper on your head, jeans from the 80’s… but if you’re wearing brand new shoes that are in style, girls will automatically see you as attractive. If you don’t have the shoes… get them.

22.Well fitting shirts. Baggy shirts are out! Shirts should complement your body and show off your  features. Now I’m not talking about spandex, but regular well fitting shirts. You know why suits look good? Because they are tailored to fit you perfectly. This is attractive to women.

23. A deep, commanding voice. Your voice says a lot about you, literally. The next time you strike up a chat with a woman, don’t sound squeaky. 

24. Body posture. Within 1 second, just from how you stand, women will judge you as attractive or not Good body posture indicates that you are a healthy mate and is very attractive to women. Lean back. 

25. Human smell. Sweat, at a very basic level, is very attractive to women. It triggers feeling of arousalin women. However, don’t go too far and stink. That’s repelling. 

26. Some light, musky cologne. These smells will mimic the natural smell that males produce and used lightly, will arouse some females. 

27. Leadership. Being a leader is very attractive to women, it demonstrates social status and importance. Make decisions, lead the pack. 

28. Being dominant. Women are naturally submissive, and men should be naturally dominant. Unfortunately with all our yoga classes and hormonal milk, this has changed in the past century.

29. Being dangerous. Danger is hot, exciting, energising and can be very addictive. Women love the bad boy.

30. Being intelligent. Intelligence, demonstrated by high grades, an impressive line of studies or career is very attractive. 

31. Being good with animals. Being good with living things indicates that you will be a good mate, capable of protecting and caring for any offspring you could potentially have. This is very attractive

32. Being good with kids. Same as above.

33. Being genuinely interested in her. People love people whom are interested in them. If you genuinely want to know what makes her tick, this will be attractive

34. Being the best, in a group of men. If you are the best out of the competing men, then out of that

group, you will be the most attractive to women. 

35. Being disciplined. People want to be surrounded by competent individuals. If you are able to control yourself when she can’t, she will see you as having a lot of willpower. This demonstrates that you are in control of your life.

36. Not taking life too seriously. Having the gift to be able to laugh at life and embrace it as an enjoyable experience. You don’t have to think about marriage every time you talk to a girl.

37. Being positive. Positive people are attractive. If you can show her the sunny side of things, she will thank you for it. 

38. Being a little selfish. Being slightly selfish indicates that you care a lot about yourself and your well being. This relates to confidence and importance which are attractive. Don’t be a martyr. 

39. Being generous. The complete opposite of being selfish, being generous can be attractive as well because it demonstrates that you are not needy and that you are wealthy. Note! Being generous does NOT mean you should buy things for people so they like you… this is not attractive. A good example of being generous would be, if you’re with friends, you could purchase the pitcher of drinks. This subconsciously communicates that you are in charge, dominant and wealthy. 

40. Spontaneity. Very attractive, alludes to excitement.

41. Good hair. Having nice, healthy and well groomed hair shows that you take care of yourself.

42. Trimmed nails. Women notice, if you take care of yourself, she’ll appreciate it.

43. A slight tan. These days, a tan indicates that you wealthy and physically healthy.

44. Relaxed attitude. Being relaxed shows a lot of confidence.

45. Being driven. If you know what you want in life, and you’re pursuing it, this is attractive.

46. Nice teeth. It is very important to have nice teeth, women think about it every time they consider  kissing you.

47. Having nice possessions, such as a car, house or a boat. These indicate wealth, excitement and  power, all of which are attractive.

48. A sense of adventure. If you’re curious about life, and are willing to take risks. You can lure her into your world and she’ll be happy to follow you past her limits.

49. Honesty. Being able to speak the truth is difficult and shows that you have accepted who you are as  a person. It also shows that you don’t care what others think, which is very attractive.

50. Whispering in her ear. The sense of secrecy, mysteriousness and excitement that comes from a whisper is very attractive.

51. Being busy. If you are busy, then you are important, independent and have a life.

52. Being a man. Women love men who do manly things, stop doing yoga and go play a sport, hit the  gym and get dirty.

53. Having a nice butt. A sexy fitness indicator, attainable through the gym. 

54. Pre-selection. If other women want you, then there must be a reason. Having many people want you makes you attractive. You aren’t a guy who has time to look at personals. 

55. Being genuine. Say what you mean and do what you say. This is hard, but attractive.

56. Physically picking her up. Ever heard of sweeping her off her feet? This is it.

57. Touching her hair. There is something about having your hair touched that is relaxing and arousing  at the same time.

58. A nice face. Women love men with an attractive face. That’s what she’ll be kissing and you better  believe it makes a difference.

59. Originality. Women crave excitement, originality provides that. Seduction is never the same and  being original is an essential part of it.

60. Experience. Maturity can be very arousing; if you know what you’re doing she’ll appreciate it and  you’ll get laid more often.

61. Speaking to her true self. If you can see past the walls that most people put and truly speak to the  real person inside of them, you’ll be one of the few that understands them. This makes you very important. 

62. Independence. People don’t like neediness, being independent shows that you are self sufficient and can take care of yourself. 

63. Teasing her. Playfulness, excitement, she loves it.

64. Composure. If you can keep your cool under stressful situations, she’ll notice.

65. Being selective. If you are selective, then it implies that you aren’t needy and are valuable enough to want many people want you.

66. Being challenging. Playing hard to get is as true for women as it is for men. People want what they can’t have, and if they have to work for something, they’ll appreciate it much more.

67. Focus. If you know what you want, and are determined to get it, then that’s attractive.

68. Modesty. No one likes a show-off. Being modest is great, and attractive. There is nothing better  than a girl finding out something good about you through a friend.

69. Muscular abs. An indicator of health.

70. Being natural. If you’re genuine about how you feel, without caring what others think, then that’s  attractive. You want to know if people can handle the real you.

71. Charismatic. If your spoken words and gestures can warm up a room, she’ll notice and be warmed  up as well. If she doesn’t, her matchmaking friend will tell her about you.

72. Sensual. Some people are frigid and cold. Some people are warm and very alert to their senses. If you are in tune with your body, you’ll likely be in tune with hers as well.

73. A man that loves to have fun. Everyone wants to be around a guy who enjoys himself, be that guy.

74. Goes against the rest of society. No one likes a follower. If you have a conviction about something, stick with it. Make up your own mind about things and people will respect you. 

75. Caring. Compassion and caring show that you will be a good father and is therefore very attractive.

76.Persistent. If you go after your goals, other will notice. This is very attractive as it shows will power that not many people have.

77. Being respected. If your entourage respects you, then she will as well.

78. Loyal. People do not want to get hurt, and will avoid you if aren’t loyal. It is better to remain single than to get into a relationship you don’t plan on staying in.

79. Romance. Spicing it up in a relationship is critical and attractive. Don’t always do the same thing because it will get boring really fast.

80. Drama. Ever wonder why women love soap opera’s? It is because they crave drama, gossip, secrets.  It is exciting and attractive. If you have an eventful life, people will be attracted to it.

81. The way you move. If you have calm, controlled and relaxed gestures, then you will be seen as someone that is confident.

82. A mysterious grin. There’s something about a grin that arouses curiosity and intrigue.

83. Being extravagant. Sometimes going over the top is good, if you can let yourself go from time to  time, people will notice.

84. Loving yourself. If you truly love yourself for who you are, then others will as well.

85. Being a teacher. Have you ever wondered why so many girls have crushes on their teachers? It is because being a teacher is a sign of power and knowledge, be a teacher.

86. Clean, clear skin. Physically, nice skin is a health indicator and women will naturally be attracted  to healthy looking skin.

87. Being energetic. Have you ever heard the expression, “he was the life of the party” This is energy, its contagious and most people don’t have enough of it. It is very attractive.

88. Being passionate. Be in the moment and enjoy life every day. It’s not about the destination, but  about the journey. You’ll find your true love along the way.

89. Quick mind. If you can think on your feet, and are quick to reply to her playful teases, you’ll be  seen as smart and alert. A woman would rather be with a man that stimulates her intellectually rather than someone who is brain dead. It is much better to find something original to say on the spot rather than to use pick up lines. 

90. Attentive to details. It’s the little things that matter, if you notice that she’s done something different with her hair when no one else does, she will appreciate and be attracted to that. 

91. Convicted and has strong beliefs. Be opinionated about things. If you ask someone a question about a topic and they have something interested to say about it, that’s attractive. Be opinionated.

92. Being in tune with her. Being in tune with someone is one of the biggest factors in relationships. Have you ever felt chemistry? Have you ever felt like you were on the same wavelength? If you and your partner are similar (and you should!) this will come naturally and will be one of the most attractive traits. The same applies for meeting women during the day or night. If you’re picking up a girl in a club, then high energy is appropriate because your energy will be matching hers. If you arrive with high energy during the day and she is reading in the library, this will clash. 

93. Being attentive to details in your life. Are you meticulous? Being attentive to the details in your life will mean that you will pay attention to the details in her life.

94. Being knowledgeable about various subjects. If you are versatile, then you’ll never be short of conversational topics. Being flexible and able to adapt to all kinds of situations is attractive. Go read some books. 

95. Innocence. It’s no fun when you know everything, have tried everything and have been to the edge and back. A little bit of innocence is attractive because it makes you more human. There’s always something that you haven’t tried, let her know and invite you to try it with you. Asking for her advice is alright as well. 

96. Challenging her. Forcing her to be on her toes, teasing her, is exciting and attractive.

97.Be a planner. If you are always organizing events, you are automatically the leader that has a high social status and a lot of energy. This is very attractive; everyone wants to be invited to outings.

98. Being open. Tell her about your life, the real one. Cut the B.S. and you’ll stand out as someone who’s not trying to prove anything to anyone.

99. Being direct. Being direct is very powerful and attractive. People use indirect methods because they want to ‘feel things out’ and not get hurt. Being direct shows that you are confident, bold and not scared of rejection.

100. Be yourself, the good yourself. You shouldn’t try to pretend to be something that you aren’t. You should grow and continually improve, but remain genuine. Don’t hide your faults, everyone has them. The old saying,” be yourself” is very true and is ultimately what will attract the woman of your dreams. 

DOES IT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO BE ALL THESE THINGS IN ORDER TO ATTRACT BEAUTIFUL WOMEN INTO YOUR LIFE? NO WAY! THE UNIVERSE HAS A WEIRD WAY OF WORKING AND YOU’LL BE ATTRACTED TO THE ONE YOU WERE…

How To Be Attractive by Knowing Yourself

You want to learn how to be attractive to women – but how is a woman going to be attracted to  you before you even know who you are yourself? Your first major step is to get your “inner game” sorted out: your confidence, steadiness, backbone and self-reliance need to be in place. 

We’ve brought up this issue before, but it is so important that it deserves an article of its own: know yourself and become attractive. Do you know your core values, interests, what drives you emotionally, what defines you as a unique character? There are several areas in your life you can explore, and in a clichéd psychiatrist manner, my first piece of advice is: explore your past.

Find your reality by looking in your past

Obviously, you underwent your deepest and most fundamental transformations during your childhood and puberty, which plunged you into emotional turmoil and distress. We all remember those school days when we suffered through first love, tried all the outrageous things, when we often felt alone and misunderstood, and our friends meant the world. Once you grow beyond your teens, chances are you’ll settle into a more stable, uneventful life that flows evenly in its routines. This is when you should revisit your turbulent years and get back in touch with what made you tick, what drove your passion, which obstacles you overcame and which realizations you had.

Soul-searching

I’ll never forget the deep conversations with my friends – they were like a sport, we would sleep over at each other’s places and wander through the open fields at night to philosophize under starlit skies. Think about the friends you had, hopefully still have, where they are now, what they meant to you and what they mean today. Think about all you’ve experienced with them.  

I also regularly revisit my CDs from that time: not only is the music still awesome today, as an added bonus, it evokes the same emotions and thoughts, hence “grounding” me. Music speaks to

HOW TO MAKE HER DESIRE YOU

                                                                  

Know how they say that the path to a man’s heart leads through his stomach? Apart from that being true (I’m hungry again), you may still wonder what on Earth could be the path to a woman’s heart. It’s crucial! You just met this gorgeous woman, and you had the first date, and there’s a vibe, but where is the passion? The burning desire? That look she gets in her eyes when she feels it for you? You guessed it, it’s hiding within her, waiting for you to ignite it. Now think about this: when a woman cooks you your favorite meal, how does it appeal to your heart? It triggers your emotions. You feel all desired, loved and cared for inside. This is how to make her desire you, too: appeal to her emotions, not – as men tend to do – to her brain.

Making yourself desirable

Before a woman can desire you, you have to be desirable. I’ll remind you of an old piece of wisdom here: people do not desire what’s readily available to them. You were never interested in that clingy chick with the low self-esteem in seventh grade, were you? The really amazing women flirt with you, give you coy smiles, but make themselves a hard catch at the same time. You can do the same: there’s nothing wrong with showing a woman you’re interested in her, but she’ll have to put in some effort to get closer to you. How do you establish that? Three suggestions:

1. Validate your compliments.

What’s a compliment worth if it’s all you give? You lavish her with them, and she’ll feel bored, possibly annoyed. That’s why David DeAngelo, among others, advocates mixing compliments with slightly negative feedback. Instead of only complimenting her on the color of her eyes, you may well tell her “I love your eyes… it’s too bad your your blouse doesn’t match!” with a challenging smile. 

2. Exhibit social proof. Make male – and female! – friends that you can spend time with, and let others know that you have these amazing friends. If people enjoy being around you, you must be a cool person. This is also why it’s certainly not bad to have women around you: it will actually help you attract more. This is usually the easiest way to get girls to desire you. 

3. Enjoy yourself.

Positive vibes are attractive. A man who enjoys himself, who is happy about who and where he is, is naturally attractive. Don’t pretend to enjoy yourself for the sake of “becoming attractive”, but find genuine fun and passion in all your activities. When you are with or around a woman, and you feel comfortable and happy, it will show and rub off on her.

Desire breeds desire.

They say “you reap what you’ve sown”, and it’s true: women like to be desired. The catch is: we’re talking about being desired by a strong, confident, charming, charismatic man. That’s why I taught you all the hoo-haa above. Now let’s get to the meat: once you’ve teased her and established your booty, show her your desire hers.

a) Eye contact: establish those little pauses where you just look into her eyes without saying anything. When you have some intimate thoughts while you do that, they will show, and you will trigger the same in her, especially after you establish some familiarity.

b) Glances: look at her eyes, then her lips, neck, and back. She will notice your glances wandering.

d) Give her the gift of missing you: another idea that David DeAngelo advocates. Never

interact too long, don’t wear out your welcome. Quick dates during which you establish a great vibe before you “unfortunately have to go” will show that you have a life and leave her wanting more.

c) Simply say it: “I think you’re hot and I’m attracted to you.” Calling it as you feel it shows that you are in touch with your emotions, will make no excuses for them, and have the balls to voice them.  These are some indicators. They are far from exhaustive: the general idea, though, of how to make her desire you, is to be attractive on an emotional level. Get in touch with your emotions and live them, then communicate on that level with others. Think of emotionally or sexually charged stories to tell or quips to weave into a conversation and then spread them throughout your interaction with her. The key to getting women emotionally charged or sexually aroused, hence, getting her to desire you, is to steer her mind in that direction.  

HOW TO MAKE EVERY CONVERSATION MEMORABLE

Let me tell you about a small moment out of my day. I’m friends with a fun girl at work, and we joke around now and again. The other day as I passed by her – I couldn’t think of a thing to say or do to get her attention so I gave her a mischievous smile. 

Soooo….?

At first glance, this moment seems beneath notice: but it shouldn’t be, because this single, ridiculously small event is one of the myriad opportunities you have each day to spice up your encounters in return.  Every person’s day is full of dull, repetitive patterns, but if you put your mind to it, you can come up with a pool of original routines to make even the smallest everyday moments memorable. 

Take a couple days out of your own life and inspect them closely to find what the standard situations are: the girl in my office, for instance, will get tons of dumb smiles every day from people passing her by. If you are the one person that randomly shakes his head at her with a glance of disapproval, you will create a memorable moment – and a bit of mystery to boot. The idea is to be different than everyone else. 

What happens if you apply the same concept to conversations at parties or on dates? You will recognize that a lot of standard questions, especially when you’re meeting someone new: “how are you?”, “where are you from?”, “how old are you?”, “where do you live?”, are boring. Raise your hand if you’ve been there:

Her: so, what do you do?

You: oh, me, I study engineering. Yeah… I’m writing my final thesis right now, and it’s about, uh, car phone systems.

*R.I.P. – Hither lies the conversation, slaughtered by boredom.*

Instead, next time you’re in a similar situation, try this: “I’m a secret agent. I’m investigating this city’s female demographic. I need you to tell me about your favourite café.” Or tell her about your recent mission to Prague. Within a frame you set up, like the “Secret Agent”, you can easily come up with even more stuff as your conversation develops. Ideally, you’ll do something with erotic or emotional connotations. Doing this will be more memorable, stir up emotion and overall more enjoyable when you first meet. 

How about some of this:

When someone asks you: “What’s up?”

- Something good.

- A great mystery.

When picking up the phone:

- Municipal sewage facility, Brenda speaking.

- Talk to me, Alpha Six.

“How old are you?”

- [if you're clearly not 45] I’m 45. No, really. I moisturize. 

“Where are you from?”

- [if you're clearly not Asian] I’m from Japan.

David DeAngelo puts it this way: “Never give a woman a clear answer,

unless it’s ‘no’.” 

A good generic answer is: “Well why don’t you guess”. Or: “I can’t tell you that, it’s a secret.” You can follow it up later with: “Hey, another secret! Are you collecting those?” Also, call a woman by her name when you’re talking to her: “I like your shirt, Sarah.” (Pause) “Can I have it?. It adds a personal note, and if you just met somebody, it demonstrates that you cared to remember their name. People like hearing their name. 

You can and should pause, listen and think before you speak. The first thing that comes to your mind often isn’t the best thing to say, so don’t rush a conversation. With a bit of attention, you can spot hints and ideas in what she says and play with them, and if you don’t, you can take a beat to pull out one of your routines. Take the time you need until you have it down. With enough practice, being clever, witty AND quick will come naturally.

Of course, you can go out right now and use these examples to spice up your encounters. Ideally, though, you’ll come up with your own material to draw from. These are inspirations: think about their implications and what kind of mindset they come from. Go find witty answers for common lines such as: How do you do? Where do you live? When

you’re done with that, look for new situations in your day to prepare for.

There are no limits to your creativity, and that’s what is going to set you

apart!

HOW TO TALK TO ANY GIRL IN ANY SITUATION

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to talk to any girl in any situation? In a big city, you’ll see beautiful women every day – in the streets, on train platforms, in supermarkets, in cafés and restaurants. Most of us are really afraid to approach them: it might seem inappropriate, awkward, intrusive, she might be taken, a lesbian or a serial killer. We hesitate and hope for something to happen so we can easily talk to her – and then she leaves and we kick ourselves because in all likelihood, we just missed our one and only shot.

I’ll tell you what you can say to approach a girl. But before you even go there, you need to get the anxiety out of your system, and you achieve that by putting yourself out there and practicing. Here’s your first lesson for today: girls, no matter how beautiful, are people. So start the easy way, learn how to approach people! It’s so easy to have a nice chat with the dude behind you in line at the box office, or with the lady at the cash register.

Spark a great energy inside you.

In his work on Nonverbal Communication, psychology professor Albert Mehrabian found that only about 7% of the emotional meaning of a message is conveyed through words. 38% are “paralanguage”, i.e. the use of voice, and 55% are nonverbal communication, e.g. gesture, posture or facial expressions. Words have a ridiculously small impact on meaning! Instead, we communicate through our behaviour.

If you’ve ever taken acting classes, especially Improv, you will know that an emotion comes up for you if you spark the appropriate energy in your body first. Think of what you feel when you’re really happy to see, say, a great friend. The very instant you see the person, joy lights up in you and you cannot help but make a smile, there’s a prickle in your stomach or a tickle running down the back of your neck. You can put yourself in that state: start laughing by yourself, smile, trigger these physical states. The emotion will follow soon enough, and with it, fun and bright ideas will come up. You might still be nervous about approaching, but in this light, it won’t be anxiety: it will be excitement (think about it, your body signals both in similar ways). You can use that energy! Just stay genuine: don’t paste a fat smile on your face for the heck of it. Let your face mirror your emotions.

Approach people.

Now you’re in the right state to approach a stranger. Of course, you still want to know “what to say first”, right? In dating lingo, we speak of “openers”, and I advocate the honest, genuine and authentic ones. They come from your heart, not pre-scripted from somebody else’s mind. I’ll give you two, and for these, remember what we discussed about energy:

1. Walk up to the person and say “Hi!” or “Hey!” Simple as that. “My name is Brian.” Shake their hand. “What’s yours?” Now, what do you associate with the person’s name? Perhaps it has a meaning that you know (check out the etymology of common names), or they might have an exotic name. “That’s… No, let me guess: Iranian, right?” There’s your conversation. Now share something about yourself.

2. The observational opener: one of my favourites. A guy opened me up in a supermarket line because he saw a melon in my basket. You and I can do the same: notice something about the person, anything, and point it out. “Your jacket is beautiful, it shines in the sun and makes me think of summer.” What could this say about the person? “Hey, you must be a light-hearted person.”  

There are many more kinds of openers, opinion openers for instance, backhanded compliments, David DeAngelo’s “Cocky and Funny” approach, “canned” openers, storytelling, or teasing: “I couldn’t help but notice you… staring at me.” What you need to do is practice, practice, practice. You’ll gain experience from the ways people react (many will be appreciative! They like the change of pace), and soon, you’ll find that approaching becomes easy. Your confidence will grow because you’re no longer treading unsafe territory, and you’ll have the tools to talk to any girl in any situation!